Feb. 7th, 2006

glowinthedark: (Default)
Bruce Springsteen

* * * * *

Sixteen year old girl...a runaway. Her parents were looking for her, and an hour later she was standing in front of my desk with a bullet hole in her head.

I did the work...I found the guy...I gave her peace.

I brought her mother and father the charm bracelet she was wearing...all they have left of their baby.

Now I’m as far from the office as I could get...Griffith Park. We planned to take a trip up here when Kevin was older...Jess and I. He loved the glow-in-the-dark stars we put on his bedroom ceiling...we figured he’d like the Observatory.

I find myself a nice grassy patch of ground and I nearly collapse onto it. I’m heavy...weighted down by anything and everything. I’m tired...drained, completely wiped out. Around the park, there’s not a lot of light...gives you a better view of the stars. I want the dark...I want this glow in me to be hidden for a while. I don’t want anyone, living or dead to see me.

I want to rest...just for a little while, I want to rest and think and *be.*

It’s an improvement over the last few years...at least I’d rather be than be dead.

It’s not much comfort, but I *have* gotten better. I guess in a way...I’ve started to accept what I am, what I’ve become. I’ve been doing this for four years, and I stopped looking for an escape about two years ago. Now all I look for is shelter...sanctuary. Best part is...I *can* find it, if I look hard enough.

I lay there for a while, just looking up at the stars...it’s hard to believe, living in the city, that when you get to places like this the sky gets so *full*...an endless gleaming universe of stars, big and small, bright and twinkling, trying to crowd each other out to see who can shine more brightly. From the window of my office...the sky always looks so empty. It’s an emptiness you can get lost in...not here. Here, there’s no way you could get lost...you can’t be alone or afraid because there’s so much like and so much beauty...

I shut my eyes finally, irrationally wishing I could drink in the bright light of the stars, soak it right into my skin. I can still see them behind my eyelids...I can almost feel them shining down.

And in the void, in the quiet surrounding me...I can feel *them*, too. The ties that pull me back into the city. Marcus...Jess...and even Simon. By now, I think he knows he’s fighting a losing battle...because as hard as he tries to take me down, there’s people with me, fighting him, even if they don’t know it. Even if they’ll never know it.

And then there’s Kevin.

I miss my little boy. I grieve for him every day, I ache for him each and every moment.

Reaching into my back pocket, I withdraw my wallet and open it to Kevin’s picture, just staring for a moment.

My anchor.

Simon can’t hurt me and he can’t kill me, because I have to live for Kevin. Above all else, I need to be worthy of him.

I want my son to be proud of me.

Muse: Frank Taylor
Fandom: Haunted
Words: 559


glowinthedark: (Default)
Frank Taylor

July 2008

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