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Dec. 28th, 2005 10:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
glowinthedarkWhat is one thing you have learned from your past?
If there’s anything I’ve learned from the past, it’s a man’s capacity to take things for granted...*my* capacity to take things for granted.
I was a blue collar man stuck in a blue collar job...a working stiff. I played hell paying my bills, I didn’t get much sleep most nights, and life wasn’t exactly easy...but I had to lose everything before I finally realized just how good I had it. A beautiful wife I was madly in love with, a gorgeous son I adored...a job I was passionate about, a great partner...Jesus, I even liked my mother-in-law.
Right now, I’d give anything to have Jess at home to complain about the bills...I’d sell my soul to endure one more sleepless night holding Kevin when he had a nightmare. I want more time, another chance to appreciate what I had.
I’m still helping to catch bad guys. I’ve saved lives...I have a roof over my head and I just manage to make ends meet. I also, however, talk to the dead, haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep in well over a year, and half the people in my life think I’m crazy.
But...there’s still people in my life that I care about...who care about me...and some of those spirits have made my life better, in their own way. I’ve done some good, and I’d like to think that I’ve paid for some of my past sins.
Life’s not so bad...but it was better, once.
And sometimes I have to wonder if it can ever be that good again.
* * * * *
Describe a dream that you've had. How did the dream make you feel?
Frank heaved a deep sigh and shut his eyes, throwing an arm across his face to blot out the light. He didn’t have enough strength left to shut the lights off, or even close a window.
Sleep would come anyway...now that Simon wasn’t here to stave it off.
* * * * *
In his dream, he was back in the corridor, only now he was alone there, Kevin standing at the far end. His hand was outstretched, beckoning to Frank as a sunny smile graced his perfect, slightly pudgy little features.
Frank could only stand there, tears forming a lump in his throat that made it difficult to breathe. Light streamed down from the ceiling, forming a circle around the small boy, casting him in shadow as it had in the hospital when Frank had died.
Kevin waved to him again, taking a step forward this time...closer to the edge of the circle, heading out of the light.
“Kevin, no!”
The words tore from his throat in a hoarse cry that stopped the little boy in his tracks. Frank understood now...and the pain of his revelation was more than he could bear.
He was never going to see Kevin again.
* * * * *
With a start, Frank awoke, gaze darting around in the hazy confusion of one rising from the depths of a dream. His breath came in harsh, ragged gasps, calming slowly as he flopped back down on the couch again.
Frank covered his eyes, shoulders shaking as the silent tears of truth came.
Kevin had gone into the light...and that’s where he had to stay, safe and protected, and hopefully happy.
But Frank knew, really *felt* the truth in his bones for the first time.
His baby boy was dead.
If there’s anything I’ve learned from the past, it’s a man’s capacity to take things for granted...*my* capacity to take things for granted.
I was a blue collar man stuck in a blue collar job...a working stiff. I played hell paying my bills, I didn’t get much sleep most nights, and life wasn’t exactly easy...but I had to lose everything before I finally realized just how good I had it. A beautiful wife I was madly in love with, a gorgeous son I adored...a job I was passionate about, a great partner...Jesus, I even liked my mother-in-law.
Right now, I’d give anything to have Jess at home to complain about the bills...I’d sell my soul to endure one more sleepless night holding Kevin when he had a nightmare. I want more time, another chance to appreciate what I had.
I’m still helping to catch bad guys. I’ve saved lives...I have a roof over my head and I just manage to make ends meet. I also, however, talk to the dead, haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep in well over a year, and half the people in my life think I’m crazy.
But...there’s still people in my life that I care about...who care about me...and some of those spirits have made my life better, in their own way. I’ve done some good, and I’d like to think that I’ve paid for some of my past sins.
Life’s not so bad...but it was better, once.
And sometimes I have to wonder if it can ever be that good again.
* * * * *
Describe a dream that you've had. How did the dream make you feel?
Frank heaved a deep sigh and shut his eyes, throwing an arm across his face to blot out the light. He didn’t have enough strength left to shut the lights off, or even close a window.
Sleep would come anyway...now that Simon wasn’t here to stave it off.
* * * * *
In his dream, he was back in the corridor, only now he was alone there, Kevin standing at the far end. His hand was outstretched, beckoning to Frank as a sunny smile graced his perfect, slightly pudgy little features.
Frank could only stand there, tears forming a lump in his throat that made it difficult to breathe. Light streamed down from the ceiling, forming a circle around the small boy, casting him in shadow as it had in the hospital when Frank had died.
Kevin waved to him again, taking a step forward this time...closer to the edge of the circle, heading out of the light.
“Kevin, no!”
The words tore from his throat in a hoarse cry that stopped the little boy in his tracks. Frank understood now...and the pain of his revelation was more than he could bear.
He was never going to see Kevin again.
* * * * *
With a start, Frank awoke, gaze darting around in the hazy confusion of one rising from the depths of a dream. His breath came in harsh, ragged gasps, calming slowly as he flopped back down on the couch again.
Frank covered his eyes, shoulders shaking as the silent tears of truth came.
Kevin had gone into the light...and that’s where he had to stay, safe and protected, and hopefully happy.
But Frank knew, really *felt* the truth in his bones for the first time.
His baby boy was dead.
